01 🍎 Pleased to meet you; hope you guessed my name

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

[Video]
[It’s a new face, but a transmission that’s been made scores of times. This time the speaker is a dark-haired young man with great cheekbones, wearing sunglasses and a bewildered expression. He’s standing on the deck a healthy distance from the chapel, and when he speaks his voice is British, clipped, and dry.]

All right, when’s the next stop? I want to get off. Getting shanghaied onto Twilight Zone Cruise Lines is bad enough, but the maniacal holiday displays and the church are starting to make me nervous. I am not sitting through a Christmas sermon or anyone’s rendition of “Away in a Manger.”


[Deck/Greenhouse spam]
[Crowley had mostly been blowing hot air on the network; in truth the decorations delight him. They spark up an idea, and as soon as it flashes through his mind it takes hold and he knows he has to do it – it’s too tempting. There are cut trees everywhere, and a Greenhouse.

A smirk grows on his lips.

He wrestles an especially bright small tree through the Greenhouse door, dragging it to a spot directly in front of an array of orchids.] Pretty, hmm? [he asks the plants around him. He enjoys talking to – or rather threatening – greenery.] So shiny and delicate. Enjoy it, take a good look. [He tipped the tree, letting the water from the stand drain out.] Someday, this might be you.

Comments

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

And what's stopping me?

[strangehistorian]

When the ship takes off, you'll simply find yourself on it!

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Fantastic. What else will I find myself doing?

[strangehistorian]

A complicated question! You'll be living here, for one, but we'll try to make you comfortable!

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

The "living here" part, I gathered. It doesn't answer my question.

[strangehistorian]

Well, think of this as a rehabilitation facility! You'll be paired with a warden, who will help you evaluate the choices you've made.

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

...You're serious.

[strangehistorian]

Yes.

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

If you're serious, please tell me a joke. I need the hope.

[strangehistorian]

Oh, um.

[You have put her on the spot, and also she has a very weak sense of humor.]

I would tell you a storm giant joke, but it might go over your head!

How was that?

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

[Crowley gives her a long, slightly incredulous look.] You're not a comedienne, are you?

That's all right, it was a good first effort.

[strangehistorian]

Oh, thanks!

Or was that also sarcasm? I can't tell.

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

[This time Crowley laughs.]

[strangehistorian]

This is why I don't normally tell jokes. Everything gets so confusing.

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Don't worry about it. What other jokes do you know?

[strangehistorian]

Not very many...

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Go on, give it a try.

VICTORIAN JOKES

[strangehistorian]

Oh, hm. Alright!

What's the difference between a light in a cave and a dance in an inn?

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

I've no idea. What?

[strangehistorian]

One is a taper in a cavern and one is a caper in a tavern!