02 🍎 The sugar plums are rancid

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

[There is a row of poinsettias on Crowley’s windowsill, splashes of stark white and red. He waters them, seemingly satisfied despite his awful sweater. Once he’s finished watering the plants he hisses at them in pleasure, voice barely audible:] That’s what you get as long as you’re good. But watch: the second one of your friends starts to slip… But you’d never do that, would you?

[He greets the camera with a smile, a wave, and a brief cheery message.] By my count we had violence, corruption, manipulation, greed, fanatical loyalty, and snow. That couldn't have been more Christmassy if there were pregnant virgins around.

Happy holidays. Up all of yours.

[Christmas list]
Everyone: Penis enlargement pills for anyone without a penis, herbal breast enhancement pills for anyone without breasts. For those who have neither or both… pregnancy vitamins. Make sure they’re all clearly marked.
Loki: a diary with purple ponies, sparkles, and rainbows on the cover.
Vergil: A suitable coat to make up for that furry one.

Comments

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Sure. It's not like that.

[Rub it in, Kira. Rub it in.]

[whatthefoxsay]

Well, even if it wasn't, could I trust you not to lie about it?

[Kira doesn't have a lot of patience with jerks, so she doesn't know why she's bothering with you, Crowley.]

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Serious question?