02 🍎 The sugar plums are rancid

[sauntervaguelydownwards]

[There is a row of poinsettias on Crowley’s windowsill, splashes of stark white and red. He waters them, seemingly satisfied despite his awful sweater. Once he’s finished watering the plants he hisses at them in pleasure, voice barely audible:] That’s what you get as long as you’re good. But watch: the second one of your friends starts to slip… But you’d never do that, would you?

[He greets the camera with a smile, a wave, and a brief cheery message.] By my count we had violence, corruption, manipulation, greed, fanatical loyalty, and snow. That couldn't have been more Christmassy if there were pregnant virgins around.

Happy holidays. Up all of yours.

[Christmas list]
Everyone: Penis enlargement pills for anyone without a penis, herbal breast enhancement pills for anyone without breasts. For those who have neither or both… pregnancy vitamins. Make sure they’re all clearly marked.
Loki: a diary with purple ponies, sparkles, and rainbows on the cover.
Vergil: A suitable coat to make up for that furry one.

Comments

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

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[walkthedarkpath]

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

What a terrible joke. Of course I'm not an angel.

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[walkthedarkpath]

You left it open to interpretation, and I do not joke. I have no time for such pettiness.

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

What part of it is open to interpretation? No angel has hair this good.

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[walkthedarkpath]

Demon, were the good looking ones.

[ ALL pride.]

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Well, sometimes. Baphomet's not much of a looker.

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[walkthedarkpath]

True enough, I have seen some that would make the blood run cold as well. Generally we are a fine looking bunch though. Humans tend to follow easier that way.

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

I suppose they would. [He nods as if this is a new line of thinking.] Honey and vinegar, eh?

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[walkthedarkpath]

That has always been my understanding.

[ Granted his bitchiness tended to drive humans away, and he liked it that way in general.]

Exactly. [ He knew that line, he was very well read after all.]

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Your understanding, but not your experience?

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[walkthedarkpath]

I am not what you would call a people person. I have seen it happen in small doses though, demons leading cults and such.

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

The ugly ones do that too.

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[walkthedarkpath]

The pretty ones get further in my world. Makes it easier for me to kill them too.

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

[...well. That changes things, and though Crowley's expression remains the same he winces inwardly.] Why're you killing them?

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[walkthedarkpath]

Like I said, my father protected the humans, as his eldest son it is my job to carry on the tradition. I slaughter the demons, collect their Devil Arms, and keep my distance from the humans all the same. It is a wonderful little system. [ he's also mostly full of shit, cause he spent the past decade enslaved by the demon kind with no memories of who he was...]

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Uh-huh.

[Excuse him for a second, he's just become very busy with his cigarette.]

And what else?

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[walkthedarkpath]

Humans have terrible fashion sense?

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Come on, no they don't. This suit? This is Versace.

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[walkthedarkpath]

A fine suit indeed, but surely you know that Versace is run by demons.

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

No, that's Old Navy.

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[walkthedarkpath]

No, that would be humans. Though we can surely both agree Walmart is run by the truest of evils.

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Of course. Everyone knows that.

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[walkthedarkpath]

So, you like Versace.

[ Everything else can wait.]

What what of Armani or McQueen?

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[sauntervaguelydownwards]

Armani is overused but cuts a good figure. McQueen has good lines but tries too hard.